my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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