Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
