i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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