I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
