Define "chronic" masturbator.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
