playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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