I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
