Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
vagina is talking i cant
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
