I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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