His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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