nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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