and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
