I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
