Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
