you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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