My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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