my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
