why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
