I want to make a zoo with you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
