oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
