"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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