I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
