wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
