Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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