some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
