is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
