youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
