If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
