She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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