They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
