My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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