i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
