where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
