I can tuck mytits in my pants
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
