Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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