um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
