She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
