when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
