I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
