i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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