I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
