Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
