I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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