The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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