So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
operation have a gay friend backfired
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
