I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
