dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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