I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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