I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
