I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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