help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
