Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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