It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
