He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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